Kaleidoscope
by beinluv
Summary: There is no right choice when you face this reality. Just the only possible: surrender. And hopefully don't take anyone you love in the process. [My version of Season 8]
1. Chapter 01: Turning Off

**AN:** Vampire Diaries doesn't belong to me. I think is obvious because if it did I would do a lot of things different.  
Guys, my first language is portuguese, so please don't judge if there is some mistakes, this is my first story in english published.  
This is my version on how I think things could be going in season 8, I didn't change anything until now (episode 3), call me a fool but I'm keeping hope alive in some ways. Even though I will probably be mad at the end of this season. Hope you enjoy!

 **Chapter One: Turning Off**

Everyday Damon gave up on another feeling, on another thing who linked him with the reality outside the slaughterhouse. When he realized, he didn't care about his mother, about his mistakes with the people he cared, about his friends…

Enzo was no more than a memory of when they were held together in Augustine Society. It didn't matter if his brother would condemn him for what he was doing and if he wouldn't see Elena anymore. At least she was safe, after all. He was sorry for Bonnie, because Damon knew that she was probably sad and maybe even trying to find them, but soon he didn't care either. It was best this way. Everyone was better without him, without knowing it all. Thinking about it made it easy to turn off guilt.

All the remorse was gone, he didn't regret anything one day he had done.

Damon forgot how was the feeling of not taking the weight of being an awful person on his shoulders. Even more with everyone remembering him that he was indeed a horrible person. Alaric got to the point where he just walked away from him, maybe for the kids safety. Enzo was no longer his friend in a long time, not after throwing in his face he was a lost cause. And even though Stefan wanted to save him, he always reminded Damon he would need a thousand lifetimes to get his redemption.

Don't forget about Elena, who never really cared about her boyfriend being a shitty person. They had many fights about it, but in the end, she always would end up kissing his lips and laying down with the monster she said Damon was. Thinking about it now, maybe it wasn't a healthy relationship. But oh well, he never knew what a good relationship was so whatever.

The only person who was different was Bonnie. She never took any shit from him, but always made sure saying he could make the right choice if he tried, if he wanted to. For a long time he believed and really followed the best path, he was changed and even though he would never admit to his Bonica magica, he was happier thinking maybe, just maybe, he wasn't so hopeless after all, that maybe he had goodness in his heart. Goodness he had before Katherine.

However, reality always catch up and with it came hell. Literally.

There is no right choice when you face this reality. Just the only possible: surrender. And hopefully don't take anyone you love in the process.

That is why it was easy to turn things off.

He was already reading his thirty four book, Jellyfish, a Brazilian one. Damon was trying to get comfort in invented stories to escape his own reality. It did in certain ways, some times, but it wasn't enough, because his visions kept coming back. Visions that caused a fear that he never felt in his entire life – and death.

Footsteps approached and he knew it was time.

"Lets go, pal?"

"Gimme a minute, one more paragraph."

"You and your books, you haven't got tired yet? Every day I see you with a new book in hands, it's making _me_ bored already."

"That's why I'm the mind in this duet." He turned his face just to let a look of truism escape. "And face. And charm. Well, now that I think about it, this duo is more like a solo." Then with a jiggling of eyebrows his eyes came back to the book. "Duty calls, I know, just a second."

 _Hear me, the silence. What I speak is never what I speak but something else. Captures this thing that escapes me and however I live in it and I'm at mercy of its bright darkness. One instant insensibly takes me to another and the athematic theme unfolds without a plan, but geometric as successive figures in a kaleidoscope._

What an irony, he thought while marking the page with a credit card that fell over the last victim's pocket.

"Finally, it's time for some fun!" He said standing up and heading to the exit with his partner.

"I hope to hear some good stories today." Enzo said while opening the gate with a bored smile. "Honestly, the last guy, the one who ran over a dog and left it to die, was the best one in a week and it's nothing extraordinary."

It was true, none of the people they caught was a great evil as they were supposed to get. It was hard to find someone with a talent. The worst they caught, almost a month ago, murdered his wife that was cheating on him and was running from the police because he panicked and would not talk to them, so they suspected. An amateur asshole.

"If you was in his place, what would you say?" Damon asked with a side smile, looking for a way to spend time before reaching the closest road. "While human, I mean, otherwise our shark would have left its pool after just eating you."

"Look who's talking!" Enzo said letting out a laugh. "I was boring most of my living time, but I remember killing a dude that every day mocked me because I was living on the streets. At start I was just scaring him but after a little while I was enjoying that and really wanted to kill the guy." His eyes wasn't really focusing on anything while remembering the past, but his lips was forming a little smile. He looked at Damon with a face of who did something wrong but isn't regretting. "After that I realized nobody really saw me, no one suspected me of anything, so I started robbing some houses. Before that day I was afraid of guns, but then I got one too."

"I killed to survive, boo hoo." Damon mocked, but his eyes lost all emotion and his face hardened. "I was a moron. I thought I was doing alright with my life, doing everything I wanted, but I never thought deep about anything. Ended up dying with a shot from my stupid father and running after a snake who never really wanted me." He didn't remember the last time he was sincere about his human insecurities, but now it didn't really matter. Few thing mattered now, almost nothing. "The worst things I did was fighting in the war on the wrong side and disrespecting my father. Even though I quit the war, I cannot erase what I did. But we can agree that hating my father wasn't a bad thing, he sometimes could make our shark there look like a fish in some ways."

"If I didn't understand your spirit right now about this shitstorm I would think that an alien took your body." A carefree look cross Enzo's face. "Was almost getting worried, just ironies in this situation is hard, even for you."

"If by this situation you mean being stuck with you, you are absolutely right!" Damon was already lifting his walls again. "Don't get used to it."

"Quick as it comes it goes, ladies and gentlemen!"

They kept walking a good distance in silence when they heard a noise. A car was approaching so like all the other days they nodded and Damon stepped a few feet ahead of Enzo, just in case, and their muscles hardened before the impact that they knew was coming.

Damon looked inside the car and saw a couple chatting, something about movies, he wasn't paying much attention until the voices were close enough to make it hard to ignore.

 _To be honest, I'm just glad the whole vampire craziness is over._

No, buddy. It is just beginning for you.


	2. Chapter 02: Normality

**Chapter Two: Normality**

 _Dear Elena,_

 _For the next week you'll be reading updates from me. Caroline, Stefan and I decided that only one person should have to write about our epic failure every time. Believe me, you won't want to read three versions of the same sad story when you wake up._

 _The search for Damon and Enzo goes on and on, and we're no close to knowing where they are or who or what took them._

 _We promised each other that we'll find ways to still have moments of normality every day. That's how we'll all will stay sane. But it's just you and I talking right now and I need to tell you:_

 _It's hard._

 _It's the hardest thing I had to do in my whole life._

 _Love,  
Bon_

She wrote and stood there staring at the paper a whole minute, almost crying before adding the "nie" to her name. Bonnie allowed herself to let the tears flow down her face after finishing the letter, like every day since that fucking day when almost everything she loved vanished.

She loved them so much.

Bonnie kept thinking she should be adapted to live without magic, but the feeling of hopelessness was consuming her since the will to slaughter most of the people she cared about fade away. If just Mrs. Cuddles was somewhere to be found, but no one heard about it since Damon stated he would keep it until "the little witch comes back".

She never got the chance to talk to him properly before the two vampires went missing. When he left the first time, her heart broke in her chest, but now it was shattered in pieces. Bonnie thought they would work on it later, but later led to problems and after that even more shit.

Three years, four months and eight days, not counting the time where she treated him like garbage for leaving the first time. Realizing it made her arms cross around her own body like a hug, it ached to considerate he was lost and believing she really hated him.

Bonnie knew that memories of Enzo hurt, but not as much as Damon's, which is why the boyfriend was her refuge. She maintained her mind on Enzo. All the moments he taught her to play the guitar, his kisses, his words and accent she loved, even the moments where they were just together in silence. Every corner of the house reminded him, every inch held a happy memory. When finding him she determined that he would never escape her sight again.

He being gone dug a hole in her chest. Caroline always was the best friend Bonnie could have, but Enzo was by her side day in and day out. The only moment he would leave her side would be to get more blood bags, because the hospital reminded her of the last moment Damon and Bonnie were happy together in the same room. Still, when he returned, Enzo repeatedly made sure to bring a surprise. At times, a dessert he knew Bonnie liked, sometimes pleasant little gifs, like books or jewelry she was sure he didn't pay for.

Life was good, after all. Not perfect, because in Mystic Falls nothing was ever perfect, but definitely good.

However, once Damon returned all that changed. Enzo was enough, the former witch thought. Until she could forgive Damon, the wait wouldn't hurt so much because her boyfriend was there, but she was wrong. Since he came back that day with flowers and with an expression Bonnie could swear it was the most painful she'd ever seen him do, every day become uncomfortable and hard to get by. She never wanted to feel anger, but it hid the pain, and she never felt so wounded before. Bonnie wanted to forgive him as much as she wanted to slap his face with vervain.

The universe really hated her, she concluded folding the letter and putting it inside an envelope.

Her kitchen did not have much to offer, since she almost never had the time to go to the supermarket, or that was what she convinced herself. Hunger wasn't something she had in almost two months, but she would force a small piece of bread down her throat. However, this time she got one item Caroline would approve even less: a glass of bourbon.

Bonnie grabbed the drink and sat on the couch with the guitar on her lap. Maybe today she would be better at it and have an instant to be proud of. Moments of normality, right?

Yet, just two chords were required to break the string, and the tears started to fall down again. The thought of giving up of everything cross her mind for the millionth time before taking the guitar and throwing on her side.

"I must be really crazy to sit here with the two things in the whole world that reminds me of them." She almost shouted. "I hate myself."

No tears could fall anymore but she kept sobbing.

"Enzo, come back to me, please." Her words were more like whispers now. The words were hurting her, but saying it aloud somehow eased the feeling of being trapped inside her own head. "You said you were never gonna leave me."

Looking around to find something that could distract her from thinking about her love, she only found more memories.

"I should really move." She said trying to calm down. "Breathe, Bonnie. Breathe."

Instead of crying about it more, she decided it was time to go on her daily check for dead bodies around Mystic Falls. Caroline taught Bonnie some tricks with online searches and together they found that probably the two vampires left Virginia. West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, North Carolina, all a possibility. That if they weren't somewhere further.

Bonnie and Stefan were in charge of the searches. They looked everywhere, from woods to urban centers. Places she wanted to see before even discovering she was a witch, but Bonnie could not enjoy, they were there for a reason.

There is always a reason why she can't enjoy herself, after all.

Moreover, Stefan was so hopeful, she thought grabbing again the glass of bourbon and sipping a gulp. Even when the tracks ended up being nothing, he gathered some force to say tomorrow would be better. She could not understand how, she was on the merge of giving up at any moment, but was managing to keep going because the last thing she wanted was Stefan scolding her for wanting to quit.

Anxiety started to pop in when she opened her notebook and begun to look for new clues. After a little research, she found ten reports, all of them from different cities and not one conclusive, no evidence, just people missing.

She kept looking until she found a promisor case. One body with wounds on the neck. It has to be, but at the same time, Bonnie didn't want to let any glimpse of light emerge on her eyes. It is easier this way.

 _There is a body. Tenessee._

She sent the message to Caroline and started to head down to the Salvatore Mansion. Bonnie always had preferred to walk but this time she wanted to move faster, so she took the car instead.

Coconut was her favorite car scent, but since she moved in, she replaced it with mint. Enzo's favorite.

Thinking about it, her taste adapted many times over the past three years. Besides the guitar, she became interested in poetry, mostly Christina Rossetti, his favorite. White rose was the scent of her perfume for as long as Bonnie remembered, but now a pretty bottle of citric perfume was decorating her dresser. Her favorite hobby also turned out to be finding different words in British to mess with Enzo.

She could not help. The most precious thing was to see Enzo's happy face when realizing she had done something for him.

"You don't have to do all these things for me, love. I adore you the way you are." He would say variants of this phrase almost every day, but he was her air, her life.

Now I'm nobody, she thought.

She never noticed how obsessed she was with him. She really had nothing these days, but because Bonnie made her life spin entirely around Enzo. The girl never returned to college and talking with her friends was rare.

Damon leaving her unintentionally made Bonnie realize no one cared about her, because they always abandon her or leave her aside. Therefore, she could not let that happen with the only good thing she truly had: Enzo's love.

Because maybe it was all her fault, right? She had to try harder. Bonnie thought while driving, until she started to see the construction she headed to. She parked on her usual spot and when getting out of the car she had to take a deep breath before coming inside the Salvatore Mansion.

So many memories were exchange in this house. For months she slept, eat and did everything in there. God, she almost committed suicide there!

She started to love Damon there...

And will be here I will kick your ass for leaving again, Bonnie finally thought while stepping inside.


End file.
